The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
