the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
