In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
