I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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