u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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