If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
