i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
