Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
