I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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