I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
