if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
