Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
