she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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