I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
