my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
