On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
