I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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