Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
