My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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