Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
