and you said cock pushups were impossible
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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