Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
