I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
