Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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