i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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