She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
