Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
