People in love make me want to vomit
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
