i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
