Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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