Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
