I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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