smell my finger.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So much rum. So many feels.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My ass is underappreciated
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
