ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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