I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
