I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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