Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
