he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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