wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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