so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
