yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
did you just send me my own nude
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
