I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
