my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
