I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
