just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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