It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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