he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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