he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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