I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So vagazzling was a success
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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