problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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