but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
