If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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