I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
